Firewhiskey Truths
by Kinelea
Summary: After a night of drinking Sirius muses over his home at Hogwarts and his friendship with James. Please R&R.


**Firewhiskey Truths**

Disclaimer: It all belongs to the wonderful JKR, I'm just borrowing her characters for the time being. Please don't sue me!

The firewhiskey bottle in his hand was cold, though the liquid that sloshed around inside of it was quite warm. He realized this once again as he raised it to his lips, taking a long pull and reveling in the burn as the alcohol trickled down his throat. There was nothing like firewhiskey, not when you wanted to get good and drunk and good and drunk was exactly what he wanted to get. Why? The better question was: why not?

His foot caught on something and Sirius lurched forward, almost losing his balance but he managed to pinwheel his arms and stumble around long enough so that he regained it. A moment later, he found the experience rather humourous so he let out a long, joyous laugh, absently pushing the hair out of his eyes with the hand unoccupied by the whiskey bottle. Gray eyes noticed a bench up a head and since no one was sitting on it, he thought he might take advantage of it. Standing was making him rather dizzy, after all, and he sank onto the bench with a grateful sigh, leaning back slightly and smiling. He noticed after a moment that something was wrong here. He was alone…he never drank alone, meaning James must have fallen back. Sitting up a little straighter, he called out for his friend.

"Hurry up, Prongs! I'll finish it all myself if you're not here soon!"

His laughter infused voice rang out in the still night air, though there was no answering call. Frowning in puzzlement, Sirius tried again.

"Oi, Potter, get those skinny legs of yours moving!"

That would get a response, he was sure of it. Yet still, there was no response. Sighing, Sirius decided he was going to have to get up and fetch his friend, probably drag him away from Lily, who he was most likely snogging. It took him a few tries before he hoisted himself to his feet and he stumbled a little, having to steady himself to regain his balance before he felt it was safe to start walking again. Glancing up absently, he noticed the stars were out, twinkling brightly in the vast expanse of sky that usually enclosed them and his search for James was forgotten for a moment. Neck craned back at an almost painful angle, he stood still and looked up at the stars. He found the one he always looked for, his namesake, then shifted over to the constellation of Orion. The belt was so bright…and so pretty, the shimmering pinpoints of light entrancing him in his drunken state. He wasn't sure how long he stayed there, but he finally looked down when his neck started to get sore. What was he doing again? It took him a moment to remember and he took another swig of the burning alcohol in his hand, hoping that would help, before he remembered. Right, he was looking for James.

Lurching into a walk again, Sirius took a few more steps before he hit something. Blinking, he moved his hand up and found it was a wall, with a door. It didn't feel like stone though, which confused him. All the walls in Hogwarts were made of stone…well, maybe he'd just stumbled out to Hagrid's Hut or something. He hadn't thought so but anything was possible, so he opened the door to say hello to his favourite half giant. It wasn't the familiar surroundings of the Gamekeeper's hut he found when the door was opened, however, instead it was a long hallway, sparsely lit and looking strangely familiar. Now he was really confused. Still, he continued inside, looking around as he stumbled and feeling like he should know where he was more and more though still unable to grasp it.

"Hey, Prongs, you have any idea where we are?"

It was highly unlikely that James would hear him if he hadn't heard his shouts of before but he might as well try it. He knew James must be nearby, since he wouldn't have stumbled to this strangely familiar place all by himself. James would have come with him, they always got drunk together after all.

The hallway ended in an opening and he looked up to find that he was by a staircase. He craned his neck to look up the stairs and saw the heads of several house elves, which caused him to freeze. No…why would he be here? He'd sworn he'd never come back and he swallowed hard, gripping the neck of the firewhiskey bottle tightly as the tension that always accompanied thoughts of this house started to descend upon him.

"Prongs…why are we at my parents house?" Far from the lighthearted shouts of before or even the puzzled question, this time his voice was tight, quiet and tense. Still, there was no answer from his best friend, which was starting to bother him. James would never have ignored him like this…

Hope was renewed a moment later, however, as he heard a noise from one of the nearby rooms and relief flooded through him, going so far as to put a smile on his face. That's where James must be. Stumbling towards the sound, he tried to forget where he was and focus on finding his best mate.

It took him longer than it usually might have to reach the room where the sound was coming from, considering he was stumbling and sliding along the walls but he made it finally. He'd have to bother James about ignoring him, unless he came up with a very good reason and he was all set to greet his friend when he opened the door. James, however, was not behind it. Instead, he found a hippogriff that looked like it was settling down to sleep. A hippogriff? Now Sirius was really confused and he leaned against the doorway, a deep frown of puzzlement marring his features. Since when had his parents started keeping a hippogriff? A memory hit him then, suddenly, as though he'd been hit with a spell…

_…waiting for the Dementors. They'd locked him in the room and they were finally going to get him, to give him their kiss and steal his soul, a though that paralysed him with fear. A tap came at the window, however, and he looked up from the chair where he sat to see Harry and that friend of his, the girl, sitting astride a Hippogriff. His jaw dropped open in shock but he leaped up from the chair and moved to the window, trying to open it though it was locked. _

_'Stand back!' the girl called to him, and he backed up obediently as she took out her wand, the window springing open a moment later after a cry of 'Alohomora!' _

_Sirius drew nearer once more, staring at the Hippogriff and still unable to believe his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was weak. 'How – _how_ - ?'_

_'Get on – there's not much time,' Harry told him, gripping the Hippogriff's neck firmly on either side. 'You've got to get out of here – the Dementors are coming. Macnair's gone to get them.'_

_The mention of the Dementors got him moving quickly and he placed a hand on either side of the window frame and heaved his head and shoulders out of it, swinging a leg over the Hippogriff's back seconds later and pulling himself onto the animal behind Harry's friend. Sirius couldn't believe it. Was he actually going to escape?_

_It appeared that way as Harry instructed the Hippogriff and they soared upwards with one sweep of the animal's mighty wings. They landed with a clatter on the battlements of the West Tower, Harry and Hermione sliding off. Sirius took the opportunity to shift forward, gripping the rope that was serving as reins. _

_'Sirius, you'd better go, quick,' Harry panted. 'They'll reach Flitwick's office any moment, they'll find out you've gone.'_

_The Hippogriff pawed the ground and tossed it's head, but Sirius was thinking of the other boy, the one who'd been hurt in the Shrieking Shack. He had to know what had happened to him. _

_'What happened to the other boy? Ron?' His voice was urgent. He needed to know, he was Harry's friend after all. _

_'He's going to be OK – he's still out of it, but Madam Pomfrey said she'll be able to make him better. Quick – go!'_

_Even with Harry's urging, Sirius couldn't make himself leave just yet. The boy hardly knew him, had hours ago believed he'd betrayed James and Lily, and now here he was, risking so much to save him. _

_'How can I ever thank-'_

_'GO!' Both of them shouted at him and he wheeled Buckbeak, though he couldn't leave without saying one last thing, without giving Harry at least a little bit of something back for all he'd done. _

_'We'll see each other again,' he said, though the next words took some effort. It always hurt to talk about James… 'You are – truly your father's son, Harry…'_

_Squeezing the Hippogriff's sides with his heels, he tore his gaze from the boy who looked so much like James and the animal flapped it's wings, lifting them into the sky and blowing his hair back in the frenzy. Soon, they were far away from the castle, flying off into the night with the cold wind blowing, leaving behind the one place that was filled with so many good memories and the only thing left of his best friend…_

Sirius sank to the floor shaking, his back sliding down the doorframe until he was sitting right in the doorway. How could he have forgotten? Somehow, his drunken mind had tricked himself into thinking he was back at Hogwarts, back at school before his life had been destroyed and that James was with him again…The realization that it had all been a cruel trick of his mind was almost as heartbreaking as when he'd found James in the house in Godric's Hollow, on that fateful Halloween night, a memory that had haunted him all through Azkaban and still did. His best friend was dead, had been dead for 12 years and he was not coming back to drink with him ever again. He was never going to joke with him, to play another prank with him, to simply sit and enjoy his company…

He realized his face was wet with tears, shoulders shaking with sobs as all these thoughts ran through his head. Would it ever get any easier? Would the fact that he was never going to see that so familiar face, the face of his _brother_ ever again, ever be any easier to bear? He didn't think so and he let the sobs take him, hugging his knees to his chest and letting the despair wash through him.

James and Lily were dead and he was alone, alone in this house he'd promised never to return to, alone but for a Hippogriff and the memories of a time when he'd been happy…

A/N: So yes, that part in italics is pretty much taken right out of the books, aside from what I've added as Sirius' thoughts since it was from Harry's view in the book, more or less. But I make no claims that that which seems frighteningly familiar form the third book is mine, because it is not. The rest, however, is my own writing, if not my characters or my plot premise or...yeah, you get the deal. And I would say this takes place either just after the third book or sometime during the fourth book. Like it? Hate it? Please tell me. Always willing to listen to constructive criticism.


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